“Grief discriminates against no one. It is the ashes from which the phoenix rises, and the mettle of rebirth. It returns life to the living dead. It teaches that there is nothing absolutely true, or untrue. It assures the living that we know nothing for certain. It humbles. It shrouds. It blackens. It enlightens. Grief will make a new person out of you . . .”

— Agony of Grief, Ericcson

Emotional grounding is a coping strategy intended to assure safety and control in the midst of overwhelming emotion like rage, or heart-breaking sadness, or panic. It is simply a stop-gap—a way to detach from emotional pain as quickly and effectively as possible. Rather than processing or understanding emotional responses, the goal of grounding is to provide distraction from intense feelings, focusing outward rather than inward. With practice, grounding can help you safely maintain emotional control in the moment.

CARESS is a coping strategy that helps us regain our sense of emotional and physical control. This three-step process, developed by Lisa Ferentz, incorporates both the right and left hemispheres of the brain, helping us to more fully understand and remember information. CARESS also reinforces self-efficacy, the belief that we are capable and can succeed in a specific situation. Ultimately, CARESS is a wonderful reminder that the tools we need to calm ourselves are within us.

In that first hardly noticed moment in which you wake,
coming back to this life from the other
more secret, moveable and frighteningly honest world
where everything began,
there is a small opening into the new day
which closes the moment you begin your plans.

What are emotions? While there are many emotions, there are eight we consider the basis of many others:

Anger, Shame, Fear, Pain, Guilt, Joy, Passion, and Love

Psychological research suggests that emotions evolved to guide us away from harm and toward safety and pleasure. Emotions also motivate us to take action.

*Trigger Alert: proceed with caution; discussions of childhood trauma

The human brain is comprised of 100 billion neurons organized to sense, process, store, and perceive. These neurons and our brain tissue are designed to continually change in response to external and internal stimuli. They process colossal amounts of incoming information, simultaneously, instantaneously, with one purpose that overrides all others: SURVIVAL.

Thank goodness that the path to good-enough nurture for our children is a long and winding road. And that many detours, some due to major impediments, can lead us back to a good-enough destination. Some do not.

A young brain changes in response to everything encountered in the early years of life. Because human children are born 100% dependent, they require proper and consistent care to survive. By age three our brains are 80% the size of our adult brain, and 90% by age five. Parents are the first to attest to how rapidly children grow, each developmental stage presenting its own complex challenges. Discipline appropriate for a 2 year-old will not work for a 5 year-old who has access to an increased awareness of conscience.